Teacher Misery.

Teacher Misery, a new blog, has come to save the sanity of teachers everywhere! 

The moderator describes it as "A safe place for teachers to anonymously vent about other teachers, administration, low pay, snowflake students, helicopter parents, no respect, no time to pee and anything else that we must endure."

Things I Really Didn't Want to Know

Sheldon Secretary:  Just because you said you had cooties and I was sympathetic because my aunt had them too doesn't mean I am now your medical confidant. It's fine to tell me how you're doing. I ask, however, that you remember the initials after my name are PhD, not MD.  I don't need your entire medical history and all the sordid details of your last eight doctor visits. When I left the office, I couldn't believe you followed me down the hall and into the elevator! Thank goodness you didn't have a key to my car. I honestly think you would have come home with me if you could have.

Post-Partum Patty: You've given birth in the middle of the semester. Congratulations on your new arrival! Of course I will give you an extension on the assignment. The play-by-play on your episiotomy and subsequent infection was way, way TMI. I will not be preserving your email for posterity. I guess I should count myself lucky you didn't send pictures.

Adulterous Associate Professor:  We've been great colleagues for many years. I consider your wife to be a friend as much as I do you. Confiding in me that a) you have a hottie in your class, b) said hottie has been hitting on you, c) your wife isn't putting out like she used to, and d) you're actually thinking of taking up hottie on her offer after the semester is over "so it will be more ethical" has given me a giant case of the squicks.  How many times have we talked about a couple of colleagues who have pulled this crap? Do you honestly think you're better than they are just because you won't do it in exchange for a grade? And how do I look your wife in the eye next time we all meet for coffee?

After a week of revelations like these, I wish I could just sneak into the building, teach my class, and sneak out to the bar. Or maybe I could just skip the first two steps.

The Oarmaster

Hello, Student That Wants Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  Yes I know you want in.  That’s why I am addressing you as “Student That Wants Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.”  Unfortunately, there are no spaces left in my class.  I do not care that you will be “eternally grateful” if I let you in.   Would you spontaneously decide to devote hours and hours of your life to me, someone you’ve never met, just for my convenience and just because I asked?  No?  I thought not.  Why do you expect the same of me?  I don’t let anyone in over the cap. Ever.  Unless you are a personal friend or a student so blessed with insight that I am inclined to learn something from you (which never happens, because students I am inclined to learn something from have their shit together), you can’t get in. 

But here’s a little tip, Student That Wants Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  If you check your computer every ten minutes during the add/drop period, I can almost assure you a space.  Because once the other students see my syllabus and contract, many of them will abandon ship, and there will be an oar waiting just for you.

Hello again, Student That Wants Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  Yes I know you still want in.  So, you’ve checked “three whole times” to see if any student has dropped.  It’s not the add/drop period, though, Student That Wants Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  And “three whole times” will not be enough.  You will need to sit by your computer, for two whole days, checking and rechecking, during the add/drop period.  And you know what? I don’t care that you used to adjunct at Very Important Lower State University.  I flick boogers at Very Important Lower State University, and I flick boogers at you for thinking that this will impress me.  Besides, you’re lying.  How do I know?  I just do, Student That Wants Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  You’re an idiot.  And even though they do indeed employ idiots at Very Important Lower State University, I don’t think even they would employ you.

Hello, Student That Got Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  Yes, I see you got in.  See how easy that was?  Just follow directions, that’s all.  And no, I don’t think God had anything to do with it. 

Hello, Student That Got Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  Yes I saw your effusive email thanking me for my “help” in critiquing your homework.  You won’t be thanking me when I fail you.  No, then you will be pleading with me for extra credit, telling me once again how you were an adjunct at Very Important Lower State University, so you “know how it is”.  You will tell me again how you desperately need to pass the class to get your degree, et cetera, et cetera.

Stop bothering me, Student That Got Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  You have only turned in half the work assigned so far, and have not followed any of the directions.  Your essays are half the required size they need to be.  You’ve taken huge swathes of text from the reading and dropped them down into your own work without citing properly. You have not treated your essay, as per the instructions, as a closed-book test. You’ve also decided to complete your essays in question and answer format, which makes them not essays at all.

You, Student That Got Into My Online Sophomore Summer Class, are one of those students that think they can get whatever they want just by being polite.  Saying “please” and “thank you”.  By treating your teacher as if she is your friend.  I ain’t your friend, Student that Got Into My Online Sophomore Survey Class.  Your unctuous smiles and your toadying behavior will get you less than nowhere.

Because what I am is your oarmaster. And if you keep fucking around I’m going to throw you overboard.    

We Found Strelly's Video Application for Tenure and Promotion.

I Used to Just Worry About Students Smoking The Pot.

SHERMAN, TEXAS -- Sherman police say they might have their first case involving the synthetic drug -- bath salts.

Just a few weeks ago at Grayson College, a girl believed to be high on bath salts struggled with college cops, bit one and had to be tased.

The drug is called "bath salts" because it looks like the bath product.

Sherman police say the drug is illegal because the chemicals used to make it are also dangerous.

At 1 a.m. yesterday, Sherman police pulled over Christopher Puckett for not stopping at a stop sign.

They arrested him when they found a switchblade on him, but they also found a glass pipe and baggy full of what they believe could be bath salts.

FULL ARTICLE.

Neighbors to the North

Hofstra's "logo flag"

reminds me of the VISA credit card

And Hofstra's motto

("Je maintiendra."/"I shall maintain.")

reminds me of The Big Lebowski

("The dude abides.")

That's all.

Now back to the bourbon.

Someone Named "College Mizery" Sent this In!

Looks like Cal has a protege.