A Story of Two Late Letters

I have a story of job misery that I still can't tell, because I haven't gotten word one way or another yet.  In the meantime, here's a tale of two late rejection letters.

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Thursday, June 7 & Friday June 8 (email / letter combo; just to make sure I got the message)

Dear Dr. Bison,

We regret to inform you that you were not selected from an ENORMOUS and HIGHLY TALENTED pool of applicants for an interview for [JOB DR. BISON DID NOT APPLY FOR]  at *SHITTY R3 INSTITUTION*.

Sincerely,

Incompetent HR Boob

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Saturday, June 9

Dear Incompetent HR Boob,


What the fuck is this shit?  I hereby decline your job offer.  Now you are as confused as I am. 

Sincerely, fuck you.

Dr. Bison


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Monday, June 11

Dear Dr. Bison,

We regret to inform you that [JOB DR. BISON APPLIED TO IN SEPTEMBER] has been filled.  We simply could not interview every qualified candidate, due to an ENORMOUS and HIGHLY TALENTED pool of applicants.

Sincerely,
Dr. Doody-Head, Jr. 

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Monday, June 11

Dear Dr. Doody-Head, Jr.

SHIT! I held out sincere hope for NINE FUCKING MONTHS only for you finally to crush my dream of working at your poopy R2.  When I saw your email, I first thought it might be an invitation for an early July interview, followed by you hiring me and giving me exactly a week to get my affairs in order before classes started.

Sincerely and fuck you,
Dr. Bison