Sunday, June 10, 2012
My graduation speech to Gregory Gradegrubber
No, I will not spend more time in my office to help you understand the extra credit assignment. Your inability to plan ahead is not my panicked emergency. You did this to yourself. The extra credit has been available since the first week of the class.
You need this class so you can graduate and get a job? Listen, Grubbers, I'm sorry that the American mythos has enshrined the piece of paper called a College Diploma as the Golden Job Ticket. I really am. Frankly, if I owned a company, and you were my employee, I would have fired you after the first week. You are unmotivated and disrespectful. Your grade in the class reflects your lack of dedication and comprehension.
I am absolutely sickened by the thought that you want to work in the medical field. I wouldn't trust you with the responsibility of unpacking tongue depressors, let alone taking someone's blood pressure.
The College Diploma will get you in the door, but your performance will get you fired.
College is about learning how to learn, how to approach and synthesize new information, and how to meet multiple expectations and deadlines. For students like you, Gregory, it is a four-year, dog and pony show. You party with your friends, come to my class reeking of booze, and never complete the most basic of tasks. You will get the College Diploma, because you managed to scrape the bottom of the barrel of your intellect to meet the bare minimum requirements.
You are not educated. You have a piece of paper. Congratulations.